BENEFIT T'S!

I was hoping to make this easy from face book, but didn't get that done. But, here are the benefit t-shirts - and I know you're going to want one!  Somebody try this quick and let me know if everything works!! Shirts should be ready to ship first week of August.

Sorry - no more orders being taken!  

♫ and another one's gone, and another one's gone...♫

Alecia has completed her final day of High School, and we are in the middle of party planning!  Always, always fun.  Even while it's exhausting.  She is ready for her next adventure, though we have quite a bit of nuts and bolts prep work to help with - supplies, dorm appliances.  There's time for that sort of "stuff".  It's just fun to enjoy this time with her, poised to fly.  She was heartsick to miss the top ten by .004....  One A-.  One B on one big test in four years...  sickening, isn't it?!

Erica has moved home and said good-bye to WSU.  She has selected an excellent Photography program at UCM for next year and it's exciting!  She is not, however, enjoying the return to our chaotic family life and the expectation that it is a good idea to let your parents know when you're leaving and when you're to return.  Some day, say in about 20-25 years, she will find that this is not controlling parental behavior.  Just common courtesy when living with your family.

M'Lynn is missing school.  If you know her well, you will find this *shocking*.  She found the right place and good friends and we're not a great substitute.  :-)  It's all good, though, she still has her cows!

Brody, Brody, Brody...  growing out of all of his clothes and into a giant...  well, a giant lots of things.  Almost taller than all us girls, very very strong (though skinny!), distinctly odiferous, seriously mouthy, smarter than everyone but his Grandpa Dean.  Yup.  We're half-way through junior high.  And when I hear any complaints from the older (wiser and never whiny) older sibs,  I remind them of our life while they were all in junior high.  Oh, yes, blissful...  or maybe not.  And so you don't think he's all those things all the time, he's also seriously thoughtful, helpful (when properly motivated), kind and occasionally still snuggly.  =)

Treatment of Lyme has a lot of focus in our little world, and it is definitely some odd kind of roller coaster ride.  But... we're progressing and we're healing and we'll come out stronger on the other side.

A lot of blogs I follow are talking about feeling the joy in ordinary moments, and I have to say that has been the theme for my spring.  Nothing terrible extraordinary, just a peaceful joy of loving my family and my friends each and every day.  The rest?  I'm kinda over it.  ;-)

My week ending in a "5"

So, I have a milestone-ish birthday this week...  45.  I can't quite wrap my brain around that number.  Even harder?  M'Lynn and Erica are half way through their 19th year...  20.  Now that's a big number!  Alecia will turn 18 this year and Brody's voice is changing and will get his learner's permit this summer.  Big numbers...

But, inside?  Not big numbers!  Young!  I admit sometimes my joints don't want to keep up, and my energy doesn't keep up with my plan.  I'm hopeful, though, that treatment for Lyme will put those things in line.

The weekend has been restful, which I'm finding is more necessary than just "nice to have".  Still got the laundry done, and some cleaning, but also a nap yesterday and some quiet time this afternoon.  Otherwise, by Wednesday, life has used up the energy fighting Lyme has left over.  Did that last week; not going to do it two weeks in a row.

Yesterday's highlight was prom dress shopping with M'Lynn and Alecia.  Last daughter's last prom.  After this, it will be the quick and painless rental of a tux.  I'm so glad to have enjoyed all of these trips and trying on dresses and savoring those moments.  Dress shown below; but needs taking in from the hips up and might get a little extra bling.  Good thing her bf's mother does dress alterations for a living!!  :-)

Disenchanted and Disengaged

It's really hard to believe the last post I actually typed and posted was way back in October.  Can't count the number of times I went out to type something, but didn't.

Lots of things about life have been hard - fighting with Lyme, helping (2) daughters fight with Lyme.  Paying for fighting with Lyme.  Knowing the other two kids really need to be tested, but having to wait on finances.  I find I have little energy or interest in much beyond getting through my work day and diving into family time in the evenings.  Enjoying a little head in the sand time.  Thank you, God, for my family.

Speaking of family, we did manage to get some photos over Christmas!!

Do you think my lovely daughters were tired of my test shots with my new camera?!

(wish you could read M'Lynn's socks....  they say "I need a cash cow")

The Austin Branch....

With special thanks to Brody for convincing (tricking?) Raelynn to appear in the photo

The Knapp Branch....

Dustin (goes with Erica) and Clayton (goes with Alecia) even played along when I asked nicely

So, with those beautiful people in my life, why in the world would I be feeling so many negative emotions away from my safe haven?  You'll be so glad you asked.......

Many of the work issues I'm dealing with right now just irritate the crap out of me - that's so tiring.  We have had a small but scary shift in the dynamic at work where one person has been allowed to change our SOP from problem solving to problem dumping.  From teamwork to finger pointing and lack of ownership.  And leadership is just not seeing the change.  In a small company, this has the potential to be fairly serious.  Very frustrating, and disheartening.

Have you noticed how much easier it is for these things to get a good, solid hold when you have some other burden that weighs all the time?  Yep. Definitely having trouble letting go of that greater burden.  Working HARD to "let go and let God".  Hard.

I did find something today out in blog land that I had to share!  The vast majority of people around me are beyond tired of winter by this point.  I've just never been one of them.  Granted, I've never had to earn my living out there, either.  This post from a blog I follow reminded me why, even in the heart of January & February, I still love winter...  http://johndeeremom.blogspot.com/2011/01/winter-blanket.html

Monday, Monday

I'm a little giddy right at the moment, so I thought I'd share.  Nothing earth shattering.  M'Lynn got a good (great, perfect) grade on her 2nd speech in college ("Mom, Mrs. Handfelt's class was so much better and in depth than this.") and Erica got her much coveted job at the Winona 360 online paper!!!  A huge improvement from her current windowless, mindless job.  Double bonus!

But, more than that, I'm feeling my normal, odd, quirky personality and sense of humor return the longer I'm on the meds for Lyme.  It's like coming out of the other side of something murky and taking a big breath of fresh, clean air!  =)  I'm still forgetting things left, right and center (it's all the kids' fault, I swear) and dropping things with fingers that don't want to function, but boy-howdy, does it feel good to laugh and be sarcastic and feel AWAKE again!

A long way to go, for sure, but woo-hoo, bring on the ride!

Beautiful Week!

I have a quiet Friday evening ahead - so unexpected in my brain that I'm completely unprepared.  I suppose I could always do some cleaning.....  nah.....

The weather has been perfect this week and the crops are being harvested at a steady pace.  Brody has gone straight from football pads to a tractor seat as much as possible.  He and Grandpa Dean are like-minded in their enjoyment of planting and harvesting.  The connecting link, my hubby, has been preparing fences to allow the cows to make good use of the remnants left behind from the combine and getting ready to make corn stalk bales in another field.  That is where his passion lies - the animals.  This new balance has been good for all of us.

I have enjoyed having the wherewithal to do some cooking for everyone working so hard in the field.  Having survived my first herxheimer (herx) reaction to the beginning of  antibiotic treatment for Lyme, it is refreshing to have energy and brain waves to enjoy such ordinary activities.  I had my first appointment with the specialist following my diagnosis this week and he added 2 more antibiotics so I'm expecting to hit another herx before too long.  Lots of blood drawn to check for possible co-infections, immune system deficiencies and hormone imbalances which are common with Lyme.  I sincerely wish getting healthy wasn't so expensive!!

It feels strange to post with no picture.  Wished I had a camera driving to work this morning.  The sunrise was spectacular.  Have to be better about keeping it in my purse!  Now, out to enjoy what is left of this warm October day!

My Head is Spinning (♫Right-round, like a record, baby ♫)

School has started for all my kids - Jr. High, High School (Senior year!) and two College Freshman.  I wasn't really ready to give up that summer living, and truthfully, we've all had some adjustments to make and some growing pains to work through.... and they look like this:

Brody, my baby, has started Jr. High and was *VERY* nervous.  But, he's doing great and even went out for football.  His hope is to be a receiver.  He loves to run and pick that ball out of the air.  But, for now he is center.  Big adjustment for Mom & Dad?  Brody is now in practice until 5:00.  Being our chief skid loader operator and tractor driver, this puts quite a kink in the schedule!

Alecia has started her senior year.  Mom hasn't quite recovered from sisters' senior year and has been admittedly entertaining a bit of denial.  But, it has started and she has also started a new job.  She works the counter at a local pharmacy and really enjoys it.  However, Dad has lost another farm hand a few nights during the week.  I've lost my big kitchen helper.  It's definitely starting to show in the details.

Erica is all moved in at WSU and really, really seems to be adjusting very well.  I am moved and proud and not even a little bit surprised at her easy transition to college life.  We are all loving skype and have also installed it on her boyfriend's family's laptop so they, too, can SEE her now and again.

M'Lynn is finding a comfort zone with the other Animal Science majors at Hawkeye.  I'm beyond delighted!  She's purchased a desk and chair and is re-arranging (picture gutting and starting over type re-arrangement) in the room that was (and still is and will be) hers to share with Erica.  She's been studying up there and changing her approach and routine to school work and it makes my heart swell!

Chris has had probably the best summer he's had in a very long time.  I'm loving it!  And, to be truthful, I'm waiting for the crash.  We've never had so many good days in a row and NOT had some hard crash, so it's hard to enjoy without that hanging in the back of your mind.

And me?  Well, I've got an answer to the years long question of why I exhibit classic symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis, thyroid condition and here lately, asthma, but repeatedly test negative for all.  I've joined Erica and lots of other folks in our area in the Lyme Disease club.  It's a long treatment, and I'm not looking forward to the antibiotics and supplements required to get healthy - or the expense of any of them - but I'm grateful to know what I'm dealing with and now know I will be getting better instead of progressively worse.